I suppose if you really think about it, you could find some sense in it. Or would you find it senseless?
Kind of like the how if you stare at a word or picture for a long time, it becomes blurred and distorted.
That’s the way I feel about you. Your impact on me, was sometimes fleeting, sometimes lasting a lifetime.
I have always been pretty strong, self-sufficient, but that doesn’t make me immune. And that’s what a lot of people don’t understand. They either think I am unbreakable, or they make it their mission to find the cracks and start pressing on them. Just to see the leaks seeping through the sides. Hoping and praying I am fallible.
I think most of us know someone like this. If they don’t bend, never break, never fall than how can the rest of us stand a chance?
Is it wrong to think this way? Or does it make us only human? I’m not sure how I feel about that. It’s all about perspective. And then who is to say what is the right or wrong perspective. That defeats the purpose doesn’t it?
Don’t get me wrong, it’s not all black and white, but we all have those moments don’t we? Where everything feels like either or?
All these questions. All these thoughts. Filling up the page before me. Words on a page to some, the inner workings of my mind ;-)

Chosen

Feeling your way through the night. Not sure if you will

even make it out alive. You have to keep your eyes open and your breath even.

You have to keep your head screwed on and trust your instincts. You can’t be

wrong. Not even once. People are relying on you. There is no time to
contemplate the idea of self-sacrifice and what that even means.



You didn’t ask for this life. It was given to you. But you

weren’t cursed. You were chosen. For a reason. There is no time for questioning
what all this means.



Sometimes it is so confusing and the burden so large that it

stops you in your tracks. You can’t be selfish or think about yourself. Because
ultimately, it isn’t about you, and you know that.



But how do you feel? I want to know how you deal with it all.

How you keep a smile on your face when I am sure that you would rather be

screaming the heaven’s down. I wonder how it feels to not have the luxury of
being humble, vulnerable.



I wonder how you would have fared if you had of been given a

different life, different choices. What sort of person would you have been? I

know you feel as though there is no one that would catch you if you fell. You

feel as though you have to be the one to hold everyone’s sky up over them. I

admire you, pity you and love you all at the same time. You amaze me.
Constantly.

Way back then

Looking back on all we were
Way back then.
I can see the innocence in our mistakes
And we were lucky we got to take them with us.
My memories stained with wide eyes and sparkling smiles
The echo of laughter and heart’s so full they almost burst
We were young
And not afraid to try, to live, to love, to fall
The world before us and the path was ours to forge
We never listened, we took risk’s that were ours alone to take
We came up for air and we are ok…

Twenty Six

Hmmm, another year older and I have to say, I don’t mind. The last ten years has definitely been a massive journey. I am learning a lot more about myself as the years go on. Especially in the past couple of years. I have learnt a lot about what makes me tick. My weaknesses and my strength’s. My hopes and dreams, in a more attainable sense.
I feel like this year and next are pivotal year’s. Getting married and moving states, planning for the future that Ben and I want. It’s very exciting and there is a lot to look forward to.
I am learning a lot about friends as well. Some friendships have strengthened greatly and some are sort of falling away. It took me a very very long time to realise that this is a natural part of life and it is ok for this to happen. Healthy even.
I have set a lot of goals for the next 8 months. Which are achievable and it will be great once I have reached them all.
The wedding planning has been a bit of a journey in itself. Mostly a really great one and I am excited for the big day to finally arrive and see how everything I have spent so much time on comes together.
I am looking forward to the new challenges that next year will bring. A new City, new house, new job. All of which are going to be great! It will be nice to be in the warmer climate and closer to my family. We will have lots more to explore and I think we are both really excited to see a lot more of Queensland. It will be fantastic to have an actual house, with more room’s and space and oh my goodness! A backyard! I am also happy to start a new job and the challenges that come with that will be welcome too...

Looking to get inspired, where am I going? To listen to some music :-)