Take me back...

This takes me back to when I was 16. And I was in Hell. Lost in a world of hurt and confusion. My innocent heart smashed into a million pieces. Never to be repaired. Lost its innocence. I was lost. I didnt know what to do or where to go or how to make the pain go away. The first time your heart is broken waves wash over you and it feels like it would be more kind to just die...
You were the one that wrecked me and you were the only one that could put me back together. But you never could, really. It just felt that way. Now it seems a million years ago. Its fading away. It was someone else. In another time.
Maybe Ill feel that way in another 8 years...
I remember lying on the ground listening to life house. Holding my heart in my hands. All my tears had dried up and I wanted release, but there wasnt any. Its kind of like death... If I knew then, what I know now, it may not of hurt so much. But maybe it would of...
But we arent young anymore. And things are different. God what I would give to go back there for a little while. When I was young. And all i wanted to do was listen to music and break all the rules.
The world is moving around me and still, I stand still.

One day I'll talk to you about another kind of pain. And hopefully one day a full heart of happiness :)

37 Stitches...

Your pain is my pain. Thats what love is about. When someone you love feels pain, we feel it too. I read somewhere that something that quite often goes with Love is Fear. Its so true. And it sucks. All sorts of Fear. Fear of losing your Love, Fear that your Love will be hurt, Fear that you will make the wrong choice when it comes to Love, Fear that you dont truly undertand Love... The list goes on.
I wonder how we can get past this Fear? And just focus on the Love...

Sometimes I would really love to just fall to my knees and SCREAM!!! I like the song by Breaking Benjamin. The lyrics say "So Sacrifice yourself, and let me have whats left!!" I imagine I am screaming this sometimes. Not really sure what it means to me, but it makes me feel a little better.

They think they have found Noah's Ark which is REALLY REALLY cool!

I got up early this morning and went for a walk. Its so nice early in the morning.. .I want to chose to be happy. It sounds easy right? We will see :)

I want to lay on the ground with the warm sun on my face. Just in peace.
I wonder what the soundtrack to my life would be?? Probably pretty freaken awsome :)

I feel like the older I get the more I get to know myself, but Im not sure its something that I like. I still have a lot to learn...
I used to think I was a good listener, but its kind of ironic cos I rarely "listen"...

Thats enough for now.. I might come back later today!

37 Stitches...

Here's to you...

Pull the wool from around my eyes. I want to see. I want to know. I want to be. A chorus of melody. A sunset so mesmerizing I can hardly stand. I want to walk in the waters that cleanse my soul and heart.
When will you understand me? When will you give me what I need? I wont fall into line, I just cant. What are we all waiting for?
When will the tide just carry me away?
Time is of the essence. Is it slipping away or presenting me with a path? A new path, a new beginning?
I want to be colourful. I don't want you to try to suppress me anymore. You are damaging my soul. I need to be set free.
Joy, Joy, Joy.
You are my joy!
Biting my tongue is never something that I have been good at! Oh my goodness no! I know that patience is a virtue, but its not something I posses much of either!
I am trying. Each day. One at a time.
I like the line out of an Incubus song. "Something tells me that breathing less air, beats breathing you in" Lol. Its a bit twisted, but I still like it.
My heart is a funny thing. Very funny. Very strange. Hard to work out. I wonder if I ever will. My friend told me maybe I'm meant to be one of those people that is forever confused and perplexed. But he told me it suits me. Lol. I'm not sure how to take that. I wonder if there is one person out there that understands me completely. I highly doubt it.
I have often wished I could live my life a few times over. Then I wouldnt be so worried about making mistakes. That would be cool. Oh well, guess thats not going to happen Lol.
I often look at other people and wish I had their life, but then again, im sure there are people looking at me wishing the same thing. Its like a vicious cycle of where is the grass truly greener?
Who am I kidding? Only myself... Yes I realise Im just rambling, but thats kind of the point here... I wonder if anyone is listening anyway?? :-)

Until next time my friends...

Today

I thought about you today as I do every once in a while. But lately its been a lot. Often, and continuous. I wonder where we went wrong somehow or is it just burned into my core to fail. I wish I could master the art of making everyone I care about happy, but who am I fooling?
I wish I knew what to do to make things better for you, for me. And I hate to face the fact that maybe its me that's pulling you down.
I lay awake and I try to figure it out. But its impossible to solve.
Hurting you is what I'm good at. What kind of attribute is that?! I always have felt fiercely protective of you. You have a secured place in my heart forever.

I found a song that I think perfectly describes me. Crash, by Cavo. Its talking about a car wreck haha.

"Your a beautiful wreck, now your out of control, crossing the double lines. Your a perfect disaster, the road to catastrophe, don't stop for the signs. Heart break waiting to happen, headlights cut through the rain, tears hit the windshield and I cant look away. Every mile gets you further away from the past. Feels like your shattered and covered in broken glass. I'll be here the next time you crash. Time turns to rust and its hard for you to trust, every turn, every shoulder you feel, I'm right here when its just to much, you can let me take the wheel."

Let me introduce myself. I am Fearless, or is that what I want you to think? I am a bad speller, I am passionate, I have a heart and I have heart ache. I am a deep thinker and I have a dark place, which I think every creative person has. There are very few people in this world that understand me, including myself. Maybe you can help me with that :-)
I am here to share my thoughts and feelings. As irrational and crazy as they may be. Cos there doesn't seem to be many people that will listen for long anymore... I stuff up time and time again and I cant believe I haven't learnt by now?! I believe in Heaven and Hell and in my life I have experienced a part of each. I love God and I cant wait to see what his Kingdom is like :-)
So here we go.. Lets start this journey...